He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize