Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
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Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
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Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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