So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
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please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
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Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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