I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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