Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
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I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
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My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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