What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
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