its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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