how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
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Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
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The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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