you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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