bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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