I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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