ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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