If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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