Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize