Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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