the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
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herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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