If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
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the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
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she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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