Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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