Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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