Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I am naked and annoyed.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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