Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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