My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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