i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
farters have to be the big spoon...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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