I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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