Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
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I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
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Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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