My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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