Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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