he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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