Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
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I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
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Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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