he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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