Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
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Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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