I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
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You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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