I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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