Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
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I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
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it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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