You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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