Moan for me like Helen Keller
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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