When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
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We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
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No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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