He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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