I swear she didn't look like that last week.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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