if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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