He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
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He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
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Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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