i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize