That's when you crack a 10am beer
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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