Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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