Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
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You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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