If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
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Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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