i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
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