We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
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i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
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What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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