Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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