She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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